Cub reporter Jimmy Woo here and I cannot speak for Mr.
Doogan but I remain alive.
I am reporting from the terrible battle of Gun-Xiang
monastery where Notorious Warlord Chun-King has just suffered a crushing defeat
at the hands (and feet) of the local monks. Despite the withering rifle fire
and even Chun’s attempt to use a new armored gun carriage, the local brand of
salamander-style kung fu has devastated the warlord troops as they made
numerous bloody assaults on the walls of the monastery where-in the rebellious
monks were making a heroic stand. Even from my distant vantage point I could
see the monks demonstrating their famed skill of running across the vertical
surface of the fortress wall, easily knocking back scaling ladders loaded with
attacking soldiers.
In the guise of Chun’s staff doctor I have, for days,
bandaged sprained necks and splinted broken limbs. During the course of the
battle, Chun’s frustration at his own lack of progress actually began to
inflict more casualties on his already beleaguered troops as the emotionally
distraught commander repeatedly turned his machine gun on his own men in a vain
attempt to drive them forward again. Needless to say, the sight of so many
uniformed troops simultaneously retreating from two opposite directions was
remarkable indeed.
As dawn breaks over the terraced landscape, Chun has decided
to modify his campaign strategy and march south to attack warlord Daing-Po.
China Station residents will recall that Chun has already defeated and disarmed
Po and that Po
now serves Chun but in the General’s own words, “I really need to kick Po around some more. It will be good for morale.”
As to missing American physicist, Dr. Raullo Ortega, pioneer
of molecular disruption theory, I have uncovered another clue. It seems that
the reason behind Chun-King’s campaign is a quest for something called the
Promethean Vacuum Tube. My eavesdropping indicates that this item is the final
component of a deadly weapon, that once complete, will give the Notorious
Warlord control of all South Asia. It is my hope that this smuggled dispatch
will alert the authorities before it is too late.
Until I write again, release your cat from confinement Mr.
Doogan’s mother, and turn off your light. This is Jimmy Woo signing off.
